


Smoothie of Doom!

by velocitaes



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji Is So Done, Fukurodani Volleyball Club - Freeform, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kozume Kenma is a Little Shit, Nekoma Volleyball Club - Freeform, Platonic BokuAkaKuroKen, Platonic Relationships, collectively one brain cell duo, ngl this is kind of fanon heavy sigh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:34:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29019018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitaes/pseuds/velocitaes
Summary: “Please ‘Kaashi, we could really use the extra help. Kenma is busy and if we disturb him he might give us an Ultra Mega wedgie again,” Bokuto adds with a shudder.“Okay, give me your phone,” Akaashi relents. He ignores the part where it is implied Kenma has given them wedgies with enough frequency for them to earn a name and pushes that aside to unpack later.They are definitely going to regret this later, he thought to himself. Oh well, maybe they could learn something from this experience.a.k.a the one time that Akaashi lets the chaotic duo learn from their mistakes.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma, Akaashi Keiji/Kuroo Tetsurou, Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 3
Kudos: 68





	Smoothie of Doom!

“Please tell me this is a joke,” is the first thing to leave Akaashi’s mouth the minute he storms into Bokuto’s house.

However, the minute he steps into the dining room, he is greeted by possibly the most scarring thing he’s witnessed in his sixteen years of life.

No matter how many seemingly impossible scenarios have taken place during the many times Bokuto and Kuroo have hung out, they never failed to take stupid to the next level.

This time was no exception.

While Akaashi so desperately hoped that he his delirious running-on-fumes-brain was deceiving him, he knew that the sight before him was one hundred percent taking place in real time. On the dining room table sat a single blender filled to the brim with some unidentifiable green substance. Around it were several solo cups and one of Bokuto’s many snapbacks overflowing with folded up pieces of paper.

And here he thought that them playing Twister with superglue and stealing grocery carts to ride down a hill was the worst they could come up with.

“Jeez Kenma, you ratted us out _again_?” Kuroo whined, not even bothering to take his eyes off from the task at hand.

The self proclaimed ‘cocktail master’ was pouring whatever it was they were making into the cups while Bokuto sat innocently on a bar stool with a sock, of all things, tied around his eyes. Kenma, ever the unperturbed bystander, sat on the staircase a couple feet away with his eyes glued onto his phone.

“Well you wouldn’t listen to anything I said and I knew you two would need a voice of rea-“ Suddenly, Kenna’s eyes scrunched up in annoyance. “My phone died,” he said in a flat tone.

Akaashi sighed before pulling his backup charger out of his pocket to toss it to him.

“Thanks,” Kenma said before retreating to the living room.

“Why don’t you ever show us that kind of camaraderie? Huh? The favoritism!” Kuroo huffed indignantly. Bokuto nodded furiously in agreement.

Akaashi gave him a deadpan look before taking a seat at the dining room table.

“I’ve shown it plenty times before. You know, like when I have to bail both you both out of trouble when you do stupid things such as this.” He replied, pointedly staring at their ridiculous display.

“You mean bold, daring, arduous tasks made for only the bravest and strongest of men to conquer,” Bokuto said with a puffed up chest. He then thought to curl up his bicep for good measure.

“Pfft! Bo, you got Gryffindor on the sorting hat quiz _once_ and forgot how to act,” Kuroo laughed.

“Hey man I thought we agreed to keep that under the wraps!” Bokuto yelled. A red tint colored his ears.

“Says the one who got Ravenclaw and decided to make it his entire personality,” Kenma said, making an appearance only to raid the pantry for cheezits.

“I do not!” Kuroo squawked in embarrassment, almost pouring the disgusting slush outside of the cup he held.

“Whatever you say, Mr. Hashtag Chemistry is Life,” Bokuto teased.

“Yeah let’s pretend you don’t think science related puns are peak comedy,” Akaashi added with a raised eyebrow.

“Hey guys,” Kenma started with a dumb smile on his face, seemingly impersonating Kuroo. “Did you hear oxygen and potassium went on a date? It went OK.”

They all burst out laughing except for the bedhead of the group.

“Haha you guys sure are going in on me today,” he chuckled nervously.

“It’s my favorite hobby,” Kenma said before walking back out to the living room.

“I’m wounded,” Kuroo said, looking down at the disgusting blender for dramatic effect. Bokuto reaches his hand out in empty air to comfort him but ends up looking like a floundering fish out of water. Kuroo rolls his eyes playfully and grabs it, patting himself on the shoulder with it pathetically.

“So, please explain to me exactly which idiotic scheme you two plan on carrying out today?” Akaashi asked. He leaned back with an agitated yet curious expression.

“Not idiotic, K Dog. _Daring_ ,” The ravenette corrects, wagging his finger at him.

“Don’t call me th-“

“But if you must know, we plan on drawing pieces of paper of which contain several names of different kinds of foods. We have veggies, dairy products, fruits, candy and other random snacks. Bo, take it away,” Kuroo gestures to the blindfolded boy with jazz hands.

“First, we use a random number generator to determine how many things will go into our Smoothie of Doom and-“ Kuroo interrupts, exclaiming loudly, “Smoothie of Doom! I need to write that down.”

He glances back at them. “My bad, go ahead bro.”

“Then, that person has to draw the same amount of pieces of paper and each ingredient they get has to go in the blender. Whoever can finish more of their drinks is the winner,” He finishes enthusiastically, jumping up to high five his best friend.

“That sounds like a terri-“

“And anyway, we’ve already made our minds up so there’s no convincing us otherwise. Isn’t that right Bo?” Bokuto nodded eagerly in response.

Akaashi glared at him intensely as though cutting him off were an offense comparable to murder and in his mind, it may as well had been.

“There you have it. Now, you can either be an audience to our marvelous act of courage or-“ he sighs, tilting his head towards the direction of the living room. “You can take your Debby Downer self to the living room and watch Kenma fight Whopperflowers or Slimes until you drop dead from boredom.”

“I heard that!” Kenma shouts. They could practically hear the middle finger from where they stood.

Akaashi squints at the already filled cups and dirtied blender and then looks at Kuroo in suspicion.

“Why did you already have drinks prepared if you haven’t done all those things first?” he asked, propping his chin on his hand.

“You traitorous bastard! I knew I shouldn’t have gone to the bathroom and left you unsupervised!” Bokuto jumps up from his stool to point at Kuroo accusingly but ends up pointing at the fridge on his left.

“Buddy, come on. What’s a challenge without a little twist?” Kuroo attempts to placate him while simultaneously pouting at a smug Akaashi.

“You were trying to purposely slip in an awful one for me to drink. Not cool man.” The teen huffs, taking a seat again.

“Bokuto, Bokuto, Bokuto,” Kuroo tsked. He wrapped an arm around the boy before continuing. “Think of it like this : the real world doesn’t give you any warning when it decides to challenge you right?” Bokuto sat up noticeably at that.

“Consider it a life lesson from your best bro.” he says, removing his arm to walk back to the table. “I’m preparing you for that so you become even stronger than you are. Plus, it shouldn’t make a difference if you’re brave enough to handle it right?”

“Well, when you put it like that...” Bokuto trails off contemplatively.

Akaashi throws his hands up, shaking his head in disappointment.

“Okay then that settles that!” Kuroo claps with a mischievous grin. “K Dog, I’m appointing you as our cameraman. We’re planning on sending this to the team group chats y’know.”

“I don’t remember agreeing to film your atrocities.”

“I mean, you might as well. I know you won’t leave cause you’ll go home with a guilty conscience and probably won’t even be able to sleep. Or eat. It’s the curse of being a good human being Akaashi,” the jerk shakes his head in fake sympathy.

“Yeah, I suppose you wouldn’t know anything about that.”

“I’ll let that one slide. If. If, you agree to be the cameraman,” Kuroo pleads with his hands together.

“Please ‘Kaashi, we could really use the extra help. Kenma is busy and if we disturb him he might give us an Ultra Mega wedgie again,” Bokuto adds.

“Okay, give me your phone,” Akaashi relents. He ignores the part where it is implied Kenma has given them wedgies with enough frequency for them to earn a name and pushes that aside to unpack later.

_They are definitely going to regret this later_ , he thought to himself. _Oh well, maybe they could learn something from this experience._

“Also, you two are not allowed to skip practice if you make yourselves sick, that’s on you. Got it?”

“Yes sir!” They respond in unison.

“Okay, just tell me when to press record.”

•••••

The bell chimes loudly as Akaashi steps into the convenience store. He hurries to the drink aisle before rushing to the counter. He told coach he’d be a couple minutes late even though Bokuto lived quite a distance away. With Bokuto being absent and him, the vice captain, running late, he knew the man was going to be pissed. Not to mention he couldn’t exactly run unless he wanted to possibly spill the sweet corn porridge soup he was carrying.

His phone vibrates while he’s being rung up.

_Bokuto : Akaashi please don’t be mad at me (╥﹏╥)_

_Bokuto : I swear I won’t ever do it again (◕︵◕)_

He smiled in amusement, despite wanting to be annoyed.

“Is this going to be all for you today?” The lady asked, glancing at the three bottles of Pocari Sweat.

“Yes ma’am,” he replies politely. He pulls out the exact change and hands it over before responding to the text.

_Akaashi : as long as you’ve learned your lesson_

“Have a good afternoon,” he slightly bows before nearly dashing out of the store.

He feels his phone go off again.

_Kenma : I know you’re not letting Bokuto suffer nearly as much as I am with this idiot_

_Kenma : Coach was so skeptical and asked ME for an explanation! If only I could throw this jerk under the bus without exposing myself as an accomplice_

He laughed loudly, catching one or two odd looks from strangers nearby.

Had he known what kind of trouble a friendship with those guys entailed, well, he might’ve still let himself be dragged along for the ride.


End file.
